Dearest Reader:

We’d like to introduce you to the high-lit world of the theatre. Here with our first longer theatrical piece (estimated at 10 minutes performing time), Maria hits the scene with some fresh dialogue and surprisingly deep social commentary.

Hope to hear what you think.

–the Writers

***

“When IT Happens”

© 2013 Maria Welser

19732 Stonehenge Dr.

Mokena, IL 60448

(708)846-9289

mwelse01@saintmarys.edu

Characters

Kaity………………………………………………………………………………………………………..18 Justin……………………………………………………………………………………………………….18

Setting

“The Ride,” a summit just outside of Cincinnatti, Ohio, the night after senior prom. Present Day.

(SCENE: IN THE DARKNESS, the sounds of a vehicle pulling up and parking are heard. The static filled car radio plays “Some Nights”by Fun.  Just as the chorus hits the final “Most nights, I don’t know anymore..”a terrified scream is heard followed by the sound of a pathetic car horn. The headlights of a 1960’s beetle shoot on. The car is old, beaten up, and a yellow that’s fading to grey in certain places. LIGHTS UP, on THE RIDE, a summit that overlooks the city. It’s a warm, romantic night. The beetle is parked on gravel near dark green grass, the city lights are visible from below, and the stars are clear in the sky. The beetle rocks ferociously. KAITY forces the door open, her puffy pink prom dress pops out of the car before she does. She struggles to get as far away from the car as possible, but her dress catches when she slams the door shut. As she tries to pull herself free, JUSTIN is heard from within the beetle.)

JUSTIN (in the car)

Wait! Kaity, please!

(JUSTIN stumbles out of the car, he is quite clearly trying to redress himself. His black bow tie hangs undone around his neck. As he buttons his white shirt, his black pants fall around his ankles exposing his bright red underwear. )

I can explain!

(He trips on his pants and face plants.)

KAITY

(Still struggling with her dress.)

 That’s ok! You don’t have to explain anything! How about we just call it a night?

JUSTIN

No, no! Don’t do that-

KAITY

It’s late, anyway. I need to get back! I told my parents I’d be back by one.

JUSTIN

It’s not even eleven-

KAITY

That car’s so old, the clock must be at least 20 mins behind. And did you calculate the time change? We do live on the other side of town-

JUSTIN

Kaity, don’t do that. You’ll tear your dress-

KAITY

Sweet Jesus! Pull up your pants!!

JUSTIN

(Looking down at his boxers, he quickly pulls up his pants.)

Oh shit! Shit! I’m sorry! I didn’t-

KAITY

What was that?! What-was-that!

JUSTIN

I’m sorry! Believe me, I didn’t mean to-

KAITY

Don’t come any closer!

(She tears her dress free.)

That’s it, I’m going home! Bye, Justin. I’ll see you…when I see you.

JUSTIN

What are you going to do? Walk home?

KAITY

I’m not getting in the car with you and that, that thing!

JUSTIN

Please, it was an accident!

KAITY

An accident? You took it out! One minute we were talking, the next thing I know I’ve got the egg roll from hell staring me in the face!

JUSTIN

An egg roll?

KAITY

I’ll never eat chinese again! Oh, I don’t feel so good.

JUSTIN

Kaity, please. I’m sorry. Let me at least drive you home.

(Goes to open the car. Looks in the window.)

Damn it! Locked the keys in the car.

KAITY

So we’re stuck here? God, I think I’m going to be sick.

JUSTIN

Maybe you should sit down. Get some air. Feel Better?

(He helps her to the hood of the car. They sit down.Beat.)

An egg roll? Really?

KAITY

Justin, not now. I really don’t feel like talking about  this-

JUSTIN

Just for my sake, how would you describe it in terms of size. If it were an IPod, would it be an IPhone 5? A nano? Maybe an IPad-

KAITY

Shuffle.

JUSTIN

Come on, it’s not that small!

KAITY

No, but it’s not like it was anything spectacular. And for taking it out for show and tell, I have to say I was less than impressed!  What were you thinking?

JUSTIN

Why are you blaming me for all this? You wanted it.

KAITY

Trust me, that was the last thing I wanted tonight-

JUSTIN

Then why did you agree to ride with me?

KAITY

What are you talking about?

JUSTIN

When I asked you if I could give you a ride tonight, you said yes. Why would you get my hopes up like that if you didn’t want to? All you had to say was no!

KAITY

I didn’t know that’s what ride meant! I mean, you were my ride to the dance, and I assumed that you were asking if you could drive me home,too.

JUSTIN

Do have any idea how know humiliating this is for me?

KAITY

For you?

JUSTIN

Yes, me. I was left completely exposed. And your reaction.  Priceless.You looked at it like it was a snake getting ready to bite. You know  Kaity, it’s a penis not an anaconda!

KAITY

What did you expect me to do? Jump on it like it’s the opportunity of a lifetime?

JUSTIN

But did you have to stare at Jerry like that?

KAITY

You named it Jerry?

JUSTIN

Don’t judge me, woman! (Beat.)

KAITY

I guess it does look like a Jerry.

JUSTIN

Yes, well, I’m sorry that Jerry ruined your night.

KAITY

He didn’t ruin my night, exactly. He was just a bit …premature.

JUSTIN

What do you mean? Have you never had sex before?

KAITY

Justin, I haven’t even had my first kiss.

JUSTIN

Really?

KAITY

Yeah, pretty pathetic, huh?

JUSTIN

No,it’s not. It’s adorable.  That just means you’re innocent. Which is good, you’re the good girl.

KAITY

What’s so good about being the good girl?

JUSTIN

Every guy wants to end up with the good girl. What’s really pathetic is me,. I’m eighteen, and I’ve never had sex.

KAITY

What’s wrong with that? I just told you that I never even had my first kiss.

JUSTIN

That’s different. You’re a girl. I’m a guy. Girls aren’t supposed to get some. It’s indecent. If a guy doesn’t get any, it’s because he can’t get any.

KAITY

What if you don’t want to? What if you’re not ready for it?

JUSTIN

Doesn’t matter.

KAITY

That makes no sense.

JUSTIN

It’s a man thing. You’d never understand.

KAITY

But if guys do, and girls don’t, who do the guys do it with? Other guys?

JUSTIN

No! Well, yes, maybe. Depends on the guy. But, girls. They do it with girls.

KAITY

Which girls?

JUSTIN

The girls that guys don’t want to be with.

KAITY

Then why are the guys with them?

JUSTIN

Damn it, Kaity. I don’t know. It’s just the way life works. I’m a guy. I have to do it. I should have done it by now.

KAITY

Why?

JUSTIN

Because everyone else is doing it.

KAITY

If everyone else drove their cars off this summit, would you?

JUSTIN

No, I’m not an idiot.

KAITY

No, but everyone else drives up here, parks the car, and rides all night and you feel like you have to do the same? Why?

JUSTIN

Because it’s a coming of age experience. It’s a part of learning-

KAITY

But it’s wrong-

JUSTIN

Sometimes, we learn a lot when we make the wrong decision.

KAITY

This isn’t exactly a trial and error sort of decision, Justin.

JUSTIN

It’s just sex. It’s not that big a deal.

KAITY

Not anymore it isn’t. But it should be.  It was when our grandparents were our age, and our parents, too.  What is it with our generation?

JUSTIN

Those were different times. We’re not like our parents. Kids are growing up faster than they did before.

KAITY

But how fast is too fast? Are we moving at such a high speed that we feel the need to pull a hit and run?

JUSTIN

It’s just sex. It’s just fun.

KAITY

You said so yourself, that it’s a coming of age experience, and now you’re saying it’s just fun? What is it? Is it a moment to learn, a moment to waste? Or is it still a moment  to share? A special, once in a lifetime moment, meant for yourself and for someone you love.

JUSTIN

How should I know? I’m no expert. I’m just trying to keep up with everyone else.

KAITY

You want to keep up? Fine, let’s go.

JUSTIN

What are you talking about?

KAITY

Let’s do it. Let’s have sex.

JUSTIN

But we can’t, the door’s locked. We can’t get in the car.

KAITY

That’s ok. There’s no one around. We’ll do it here-

JUSTIN

Here? Outside?

KAITY

Why not? This is what you wanted, isn’t it?

JUSTIN

But, you said that you didn’t want it-

KAITY

(She starts undressing him)

I’ve changed my mind. I was scared before, but now I’m hungry, and I’m craving Chinese. Why don’t you show me that little golden egg roll of yours-

JUSTIN

What are you doing?!

KAITY

Looking for the shuffle, I want to play something I can dance to.

JUSTIN

I don’t think the battery is charged-

KAITY

Where’s the zipper? Jerry wants to say “hello”-

JUSTIN

(Runs away from her)

Kaity! This isn’t like you-

KAITY

(She pursues him)

What? You didn’t think I could be a bad girl-

JUSTIN

You’re not a bad girl. You’re nothing like this girl I see right now.  The Kaity I know would never move this fast.

KAITY

What’s wrong with moving fast? Everyone is moving fast now a days. Now, I’m like everybody else.

JUSTIN

But you’re not like everyone else. You’re better than that.

KAITY

(Pins him to the car.)

What about you? Don’t you want to keep up? Come on, Justin. You’re  slowing me down.

Don’t you want to have sex?

JUSTIN

Yes, maybe, but not like this. It’s moving too fast-

KAITY

And what’s wrong with moving fast?

JUSTIN

(Pushes her away.)

Because I’m not ready.  (Beat.) Are you happy now? You’ve proven your point. Ok? I’m not ready.

KAITY

I know.

JUSTIN

You do? Then why did you have to attack me like that?  What the hell?! You scared me half to death!

KAITY

I just wanted you to see how fast you were going.

JUSTIN

Did it really seem like that to you? God, I’m really sorry.  I had no idea I was moving so fast, and I swear I didn’t mean to make you feel that uncomfortable. I just, thought that’s what I was supposed to do.

KAITY

Because everyone else is?

JUSTIN

Maybe, and maybe I feel like I’m missing out.

KAITY

What do you feel like you’re missing out on?

JUSTIN

Like I said, it’s a coming of age experience. It’s a part of growing up, a part of how we find ourselves. I’m growing up, I’m trying to find myself-

KAITY

Sometimes, I think we’re looking for ourselves in all the wrong places.

JUSTIN

I guess that’s what happens when you’re moving too fast.  I’m sorry, Kaity.

KAITY

Don’t be. I understand. You felt like you were missing out .We all feel like that. I know I don’t want to miss out on life either.

JUSTIN

Do you mind if I help you catch up? (He kisses her on the cheek. He gives her, her first kiss.) Sorry, I’m not  very good kisser. I can’t believe I even tried to have sex with you.

KAITY

No, you were great. And for the record, any girl will be lucky to have you .

JUSTIN

What if I’m not ready yet?

KAITY

Then you wait. Wait till you’re ready. Wait till you find someone who’s worth it.

JUSTIN

Do you think it’ll be worth it?

KAITY

I know it will.

(LIGHTS FADE OUT on them sitting on the hood of the car).

END OF PLAY.

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